Working the Steps

Step 5 : We admit to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Since discussing my first 4th step with a Psychologist -- (one Big Book option for a 5th step helper), my perception of the 5th step has widened. Grasping the "Exact nature of wrongs" is much more than unloading moral defects. Flawed and omitted actions written in the 4th step under Self Seeking trigger the Big Book question,

"What should we have done instead?"

I can not over emphasize the value of every sentence about step five in both the book Alcoholics Anonymous, (Big Book) and it's broadening and deepening, The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, (12&12). Several excerpts from the 12&12 suggest a widened scope of effective 5th stepping additional to the Big Book's "precise" clearcut directions.

"The benefit of talking to another person is that we can get his direct comment and counsel on our situation, and there can be no doubt in our minds what that advice is."

"Only by discussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by being willing to take advice and accept direction could we set foot on the road to straight thinking, solid honesty, and genuine humility."

> -Added February 25, 2002
For my first 5th step, I literally followed a Big Book option from the sentences,

"If we cannot or would rather not do this, we search our acquaintance for a close-mouthed, understanding friend. Perhaps our doctor or psychologist will be the person. It may be one of our own family, but we cannot disclose anything to our wives or our parents which will hurt them and make them unhappy."

Looking back, I am grateful for that decision for myself. I sought a new psychologist for me for that task. First visit, I gave him a Big Book in order that he could read about steps 4 and 5.

The next five visits, we read my notebooks, one resentment at a time down through the "Referring to our list again............" analysis, then fears that had not revealed during the resentment part, then the sex episodes with answers to questions on pages 68 through 70 (BB 3rd ed).

What that psychologist did, I now regard essential to my condition today.

He discussed each episode. Psychologists and the next medical level up - Psychiatrists, in my experience, have had enough additional education and scope of experience to thoroughly listen and develop direction about all aspects of lives of most prospects.

Certified Counselors of my knowledge, who have less required years of training, may specialize in areas such as family counseling. They may not be as adequately trained for all things they hear from a thorough 4th step. Usually, they are competent to know when to refer certain tweaks elsewhere.

Therapists, a rung further down the ladder of training, may not in my state, be certified at all. These should be chosen carefully, perhaps with the advice and blessing of a higher level professional - doctor, psycholgist or psychiatrist.

Many readers probably know all of this. But, I have learned from experience to not blindly assume that another has all necesary insights about our life and death journey through recovery.

Fascinating that the 12&12 5th step added words about accepting advice and guidance. They also added qualifications,

"We shall want to speak with someone who is experienced, who not only has stayed dry but has been able to surmount other serious difficulties. Difficulties, perhaps, like our own. "

Realistically, most AA's have honest intent, but may not been challenged with. then realiably surmounted types of difficulties we may present. Again, we mean well, but may not perceive some limitations.

I try to follow AA suggestions from the Sponsorship Q&A pamphlet about having more than one sponsor. One reason given is to gain different viewpoints. I feel more secure about my sponsees if they also use a high level professional when more abstract needs exist.

The end of Big Book's step 5 reads:

"Returning home we find a place where we can be quiet for an hour, carefully reviewing what we have done. We thank God from the bottom of our heart that we know Him better. Taking this book down from our shelf we turn to the page which contains the twelve steps. Carefully reading the first five proposals we ask if we have omitted anything, for we are building an arch through which we shall walk a free man at last. Is our work solid so far? Are the stones properly in place? Have we skimped on the cement put into the foundation? Have we tried to make mortar without sand? If we can answer to our satisfaction, we then look at...

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