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Working the StepsStep 4 : We make a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.Has 6 parts in this version - The Big Book includes 4 parts. Our Life's Names- Resentments - Turnarounds - Fears - Sex . A 4 subject, spiral bound, full size, college ruled binder is most popular in our area for the 4th step writing. Part One - "Our Life's Names" is a master index which I added in response to a 12&12 step 8 sentence about an amends list. "To a degree, he has already done this (list) when taking moral inventory, but now the time has come when he ought to redouble his efforts to see how many people he has hurt, and in what ways." Because both the 12&12 and the Big Book state that the step 8 list begins with step 4, thoroughness is enhanced with this extra measure from the start. (for approx 10 years, this has been well received) On 3 columns, front and back, of the first 10 pages of our notebook, list names of persons, institutions or principles as they enter our mind. Not necessarily resentments, this unclutters minds and enhances emotional balance for a hundred or more friends during eight years of use. OUR LIFE'S NAMES - some may eventually qualify for resentment and/or
amends work. From Big Book page 65 on the back of sheet 10 in our notebook, we write
headings on the top. Also use section 2 for this. ResentmentsExample of listing a resentment (grudge).
Every Big Book step 4 sentence offers guidance on thinking and acting to overcome the repitition and suffering of resentments. The 4th step prayer paragraph is thought by my friends as particularly effective each time we ponder a newly processed resentment. Big Book page 66 : This was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person offended we said to ourselves, This is a sick man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done. We avoid retaliation or argument. So far, we have described the resentment. We frequently contemplate the 4th step prayer. Next is a structured analysis of the description. We learn how to perceive and retrain defects in thinking and acting that contributed to the episode. Called the "Turnarounds" in our East Coast Big Book Step Study groups founded on Cape Cod, the 4 Big Book basic flaws are: Selfish; Dishonest; Self Seeking; Frightened? (BBp67). The 12&12 added specific manifestations of the BB four. These are the seven cardinal sins. Note (again) - the 12&12 does not repeat but adds to the AA Big Book. The 12&12 forward stresses this important point. The two books are not either/or, but are both-together for the entire AA 12 step process. In the Turnarounds, we contemplate and write a short phrase about each "Affects my:" that applied in previous description of the resentment. Thoroughness with Turnarounds clearly exposes our flawed thinking and acting. How to act effectively from now forward relates to 12&12 instructions in step five. "We must be willing to accept guidance and advice." I also try to teach how to research solutions for problems that triggered our past drinking. As 4th and 5th steppers learn how to research "sane ideals" and to spot "flaws which block us", gradually they become freed of underlying causes of addictions and undesired types of dependence. Next is an example of a "Turnaround" - a name created by the Hyannis BBSS groups for the analysis of each "Affects my" from the resentment description. From the BB p67, Where had we been..... TurnaroundsSelfish: (our Thinking): I wanted her to act the way I wanted her to act // I wanted her to think I was the greatest// I wanted her to depend on me // I wanted her to work more // wanted her to be a willing partner// I wanted sex only when I wanted it//I wanted............ These statements of selfishness describe our personal thoughts for each "Affects my:" from the left page. We don't put the action on the thought here. We describe the action under Self Seeking. Dishonest: (Analysis): Illegal to hit her // Was copping out by drinking //Irrational to think I can not be happy if she leaves me // I did not have effective communication skills. // Irrational to think that it was her fault // Not realistic to think I can sleep around without arousing suspicion //.......... Consider all else written on this page as we list: Conflicts with the law and religious principles of choice. Indiscreet actions, Self delusion, Irrational thinking, Rationalization, Lack of skills -- particularly communication. Self Seeking: (action or omission of action)(emotions = feelings in action!): I drank that night // I hit her //I slept with Suzy Q // Now I am sober // I'm putting into action my decision to work the 12 steps // I don't cheat on my beloved bimbo // I take care of the kids firsta fter my sobriety // I treat my wife as if she is a sick Alanon-- (page 452, BB) // The action or omission of appropriate action. Did we drink, etc, over this resentment? What would a recovered person do today in a similar event? FearsWe become willing to accept advice and guidance from others who have
surmounted similar difficulties. "We ask God to remove the fear that... (Fear Prayer - AA Big Book
p67) "FEARS" from BBp67 -- write in notebook section 3 What specifically, were we afraid of ? As we write the Fears in the preceeding section, AA's Big Book suggests the "Fear Prayer" BB p 68. In the 3rd section of our notebook, we set aside 2 pages to list the general natures of recurring fears from the previous sections. We add known fears which did not relate to resentments. After the 2 pages above in section 3, we answer BBp68 questions for each fear on one page each. Fear of people's opinions Why did we have them? e.g. People criticized me // I felt I was ugly // When, where and how did the general nature of this recurring fear
begin? As a kid, I got bored and noisy // My father then beat me //
..... Sex InventoryPart four <> "Now about sex." from BBp68 - write in Notebook section 4 In section 4 of our 5 section notebook , some of us answer questions on Big Book page 68-70 3rd ed and the 12&12 page 119 for each episode. Suzy Q Where had we been selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? I only saw her after drinking with my friends // I told her I was working late // I did not call //........... Whom had we hurt? I caused her and her parents much anguish //............ Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion or bitterness? Yes,
I would not recognize my alcoholism //I was short tempered // .............. Where were we at fault, what should we have done instead? I should have called her // I should have left her //................... We subjected each relation to this test -was it selfish or not? Yep // I only used her for a feel-real-good rush // .................. Was compatibility at spiritual, emotional and mental levels a fact and not wishful thinking? I am a mental health client with meds, she is not . // I am hyperactive, she is calm //.............. I have just begun step 4, she has been through the steps at least once and helps others do the steps - hmm? update 3/21/03 - An AA emailed his concern that I ignored part of the 4th step. The following quote from the Big Book includes prayers and directions how to think and act about sex. "In this way (above writing) we tried to shape a sane and sound
ideal for our future sex life. Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it. -We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm, provided
that we do not bring about still more harm in so doing. In other words,
we treat sex as we would any other problem. God alone can judge our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as others are loose. We avoid hysterical thinking or advice. Suppose we fall short of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are going to get drunk. Some people tell us so. But this is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and have the honest desire to let God take us to better things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of our experience. To sum up about sex: We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing. If sex is very troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into helping others. We think of their needs and work for them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache." Back to top |
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